Thrown into chaos. No, I won’t be going into the swarm of media chat about the pandemic attacking our world. I do however wish to give my thoughts about what it is to be me during this crisis. Only because I do not think I am much different from others. I am just a writer in the epicenter of the U.S. outbreak of Covid-19. Although I see a lot of concern on the faces, I see there is still, for the most part, a sense of humanity. I see people helping others in need. There are smiles of kindness in some very long lines for the basic necessities that we all take for granted.

Unfortunately, there is the other side of society. People are in a panic about if they have enough of those necessities and so take as much as they can get. All the while leaving those that struggle to the scraps that may be overlooked. Growing up I had heard about the ‘bread lines’ in Russia. Yet as a young boy had no context in order to process it in my mind. Now I am watching people being limited to the amount of toilet paper and water they can buy. I still have a hard time processing it even though I am in the middle of it. Aren’t we in the land of over-abundance?

I am one of the lucky ones as I don’t like to go out in public and already have a strong distrust of people. So, locking myself away while the panic ensues is a normal day. Yet I can watch and wonder over the chaos. Unfortunately, I think that the worse is yet to come. As resources start to dwindle and services, such as garbage pick-up, may become interrupted those around me will be thrown deeper into the maelstrom. Will toilet paper become the new currency in the Seattle area? Will hand sanitizer become the new gold standard? I jest yet am imagining its truth.

Looking up my street through the windows of my safe haven I am comforted by the fact that I have good neighbors. Even in this uncertain time we smile at each other and discuss the events of the day. although we discuss the madness, it is a minor topic not glazed over with panic. Perhaps it is avoidance or a façade of calm. Either way, we are still friendly and pleasant to each other. I hope that this atmosphere continues into the unknown future. It is the uncertainties that fodder the fear in people. And so, I lock my doors and am ever watchful for these are uncertain times.

There are many things that I could be writing about as this dark time in our history has many avenues to traverse. Yet through all of the chaos and panic, there is one observation that stands out more than any other: the quiet. Being in the Seattle area I am used to the sounds of people and traffic. There are the sounds of planes in the sky that now seem mute. With that silence, it is more noticed the songs of birds. They seem to go on merrily in their day. I wonder if this is the calm before the storm. I’ll listen to the song for a while and muse over my simple thoughts.

For now, the streets are empty, and the sky is clear and bright. I am tucked away in my rabbit hole feeling productive. Where this crisis should be a stressor to spark my anxiety, I am oddly at home with it. I question what this says about my personality or sanity. Still, I will smile and talk pleasantly to my neighbors, offer a helping hand where I can (and then wash it), and watch for what may come next. I sit at the cusp teetering precariously over my abyss of uncertainty. Maybe it will be the global event to wipe us all out, maybe not. But I think our greatest enemy is the pandemic of fear.